Confidence is a must, Cockiness is a plus.

Nobody can make you feel inferior without your consent.

I'm tired of people taking advantage of me. I was riding the train home today and was feeling upset, like I have for the past few weeks. I thought to myself why am I allowing myself to feel like this? Something has to change. So here is to a new perspective on life. This may sounds cocky but I really don't care. I'm so sick of putting in effort plus a shit ton more of effort into relationships, whether it be dating, friends, or whatever. Point of the story is I don't feel like im getting any effort put back into the relationships I'm in. Solution: Fuck them. Im tired, actually im exhausted. I don't sleep well because I worry. I worry about everything. I am putting myself first. No more. Im tired of people not being thankful. I drive them places or pick them up - no thank you's (hi I pay for my own gas, your welcome), I make things for people, I go out of my way to make them feel special, coffee dates when people are upset, I get up early or stay up late to help people. IM BEAT. So no more. If you want me in your life then you are going to have to work to keep me in it. Why, because I have put more than enough energy into every single relationship I want to keep. Do you know how many people I have talked to in the past couple weeks that have told me how stressed they were and then not bothered to ask how I was doing....? A fucking lot. Hi, I've been freaking out all week and really no one has bothered to help me figure it out. I asked myself why? And I figure it's probably cause I can stick a smile on my face and move on. So Im done, done done done done done. You want me put effort it, if not, Im to good for you anyways.

Im tired with stubborn people, swallow your pride and grow up. Yes, I'll admit I am stubborn, and specifically this week I have been dealing with 2 particularly stubborn individuals. And to both of you here is a little note - swallow your pride or you will have absolutely no one in your life because people will give up on you. One of you is always in a fight with someone because you don't know how to pick your battles and the other doesn't feel its necessary to put effort into anything relationship wise with other people. I would suggest both of you change your habits. Best of luck.

- ibelieveinpink.

One in a million

Hi... I guess that's how we start one of these things off. I know I have been absent for a long time. I really didn't mean to be gone for this long. School is definitely giving me a nice kick in the teeth. I logged back on tonight and thank god I read my previous blog entry, in fact I wish I had read that yesterday.... My heart hurts, my brain hurts and my whole body hurts. I don't know what Im doing with my life and the first round of midterms did not go as I had planned. Which is unfortunate because apparently I lack the ability to read the question. Furthermore the curve fucked me hard in bio. I think a B is 78%. Great. Im really being quite a downer this week and possible for the past couple weeks. I dont know what I want to do with my life and I am a planner and stuff like that stresses me out. I don't want to be weak. I dont want to give up. I don't want to cry. I want to do what I love but I dont know what it is that I love. I know that I need to make myself valuable. I need to make companies want me and need to hire me and I know I can do that by doing an accounting/ finance dbl major. I have and always will love children. I want my own children and I love being around them. I have wanted forever to be a pediatrician. I want to save children, because it makes me cry that they die. I think my heart may be a little bit to big in the sense that Im crying right now thinking about this. I want to help children. I would love to be a dietitian that works with annorexic teens. Because it breaks my heart to see that, and knowing how hard it is, because I too have struggled with my eating. I want to know how childrens brain develop. I want to come up with new way to teach them things and I want it to benefit them and make them smarter. I want to give those kids that never had a fair shot a chance. I want to make a difference in the world and I know business is a great degree for finding a job and you will make good money, but is it all about the money? I want to feel full at the end of the day. I want to feel like I have accomplished something. I wish I could find a cure for diseases because those too break my heart. My grandpa died of ALS almost 3 years ago and I miss him so much. I wish there had been a cure for him. I wish he could have seen me graduate. I don't know the purpose of this post. I feel like im rambling...
I guess here is to not knowing what you want yet again.
The search is never ending but hopefully one day it will fall down and smack you in the face. Here is to perseverance and getting to where you want to be. Here is to happiness.
- ibelieveinpink. (although sometimes I have to remind myself why)

Here is a little inspiration from one of my favorite shows One Tree Hills Brooke David

One in a million,

-You're not sorry. But you should be. Do you know what my mother said to me when I told her I wanted to start a company? She said your chances are one in a million. And I said maybe I'm that one, and she said you're not. And she was wrong. And whatever she thought she saw in me, was wrong. Because I am one in a million. And there is a child out there who has something so special inside of them but who's life is so miserable because they think that nobody wants them. And I could be great mother to that child, no matter their age or race or sex. I could help them find what makes them special. And if you can't see that then you're wrong, just like my mother, so why don't you go ahead and write that down?